In the part 1 of this series, we ended on the note that:
The truth is that at times the same behaviours (which have positive intention) can actually be harmful or destructive to self or others. It is for this reason that we need to change these behaviours, though the positive intention can make this change difficult.
In this article we will focus on understanding how creating a change in behaviour can be made easier.
Change begins with a realisation that a particular behaviour is not the only way to fulfill a positive intention.
Taking the example of procrastination used in the part 1:
I may procrastinate work because a part of me has the positive intention of having a sense of pride and accomplishment. Yet the behaviour of procrastination (which is creating pain or stress) may not be the best way to fulfill the positive intention. Also this positive intention can be achieved through alternate behaviours. For instance, I may start feeling proud and accomplished by
- having done the work before time, or
- by creating more positive and healthy challenges in my work.
These new behaviours not only help in fulfilling the positive intention of a part but they do this without creating a problem for other parts.
So the solution lies in finding an alternate behaviour which is healthy and productive to fulfill the same positive intention.
Case study on Positive Intention related to Smoking
Let’s take the example of a client that I had. This client had a conflict between two objectives (parts). Her first objective was to quit smoking so that she could live healthy, and the other one was to manage stress and relax. Now the problem was, every time she felt stressed, in order to manage her stress, she smoked. So her second objective was interfering with her first objective. In other words, the part of her which was causing the behaviour of smoking was obviously creating a problem for the part of her which wanted to stay healthy. (This happens because for the former part, the only way known to manage stress was to smoke.)
Once she was aware of this positive intention behind her behaviour of smoking, the next step for her was to achieve a negotiation with herself. By negotiation we mean “a middle ground”, wherein both the positive intentions of staying healthy and managing stress were met without creating conflict for other parts. So for her, as we discovered, the healthy, alternative behaviours for managing stress (instead of smoking) were:
- exercising
- deep breathing (specially while experiencing stress)
- painting
- listening to music
which helped her reduce her stress.
The next step was to create a strong association in her mind between the existing positive intention and the new healthy behaviours. (We use hypnosis for this as hypnosis is the most powerful change process we have come across.)
Finally, we worked on dealing with other reasons (like sleep cycle, motivation) that may have made the application of new behaviours difficult. She was then made to rehearse the new behaviours both mentally (using hypnosis) & behaviourally so that the new behaviours became just like natural habits.
All these aided in her quitting smoking since she was no longer dependent on it.
